Because I wanted to understand you. I wanted to believe there was a way I could reach you. Even when I was so, so angry with you, even when I hated you... some part of me still wished to just talk to you. Like we were old friends, or something. I-it wasn't romantic or anything at the time, it was just... longing, I guess.
[takes a breath and lets it out]
And then I went to Elpis and I met this beautiful, handsome man who was so smart and clever and strong, and... as soon as I knew who you were, I was done for.
...From the very first moment since you fell on me in Elpis... at first it was just because you reminded me so much of Azem. But as we ventured into Pandaemonium together, I began to see you for your own self. I was in awe of you. Your strength, your kindness, your beauty... everything.
[as elidibus kisses back, this time it's hungrier, almost desperate. as though he's worried this this won't last and he needs to feel and taste as much of ahrun'ya as possible while he still can]
[ahrun'ya feels that desperation, matching it with his own eagerness and hunger, a soft noise like a whimper barely escaping his throat. it doesn't take long before his hands move down to paw at the front of elidibus's robe, fingers bumping the mask, as he tries to feel as much of him as he can through the fabric]
[huffs, nipping at elidibus's lower lip before soothing it with his tongue. yes of course he's impatient!! but he likes how elidibus sounds, the husky edge to his voice]
I want to--see you. Were you looking at me before, when I had my shirt off...?
[his hands don't stop moving, tugging at any ilm of loose fabric]
[he lets it slip embarrassingly fast, but it's the truth. he wants to see the warrior of light, wants to look at every part of his body and soul. now that this desire has reawakened, it feels as fresh as it did during those days in elpis, making him feel young and impulsive again.
so, without much hesitation, he sets to pulling the shirt off.]
[can't help but laugh at elidibus sounding so eager. but how can he blame him? he lifts his arms so he can pull the shirt up and off his head, tossing the shirt aside. he's not even feeling that self-conscious about his light corruption scars, not when they're both feeling so hungry]
Care to tell me how I can make the same happen with you?
[laughs a little himself, this time making no effort to hide how he's eyeing that shirtless chest]
Hm? Ah, allow me to just...
[unlike certain people who will remain unnamed, elidibus does not bother with flashy fingersnaps for his magic. much like earlier, all it takes is a small hand movement - and the robe teleports off of him, falling into a pile on the floor nearby.]
[ahrun'ya had a feeling that was how this was going to happen. he grins and shakes his head, and his hands move back to elidibus's chest, fingertips dragging along his collarbone, pectoral, and down. his nails naturally sharpen into fine points, but he retracts them so they don't dig into elidibus's skin]
I knew it. I knew you'd look as beautiful as I imagined.
[breathing a pleased sigh and likewise running his hands across ahrun'ya's skin, carefully between the scars. he's distracted, though, because this is not enough. just a skin deep touch is nowhere nearly enough.]
[ahrun'ya agrees that it's not enough, each touch sending a thrill through his skin, and he shivers palpably. it's been a while since someone--anyone--touched him with intent like this, and he wants more.
with a shaky exhale, he kisses elidibus again, and follows that with a kiss to his jawline, and to his neck, mapping as much as he can with his mouth. he's careful of his sharpened canines, but not too careful, as they still scrape along elidibus's skin]
[his ear twitches at the whisper, and he shivers at the implication--or at least, what he assumes the implication is. he sidles closer, hips slotted against elidibus's; he's straining in his trousers, close enough now that it's obvious. he lifts his head and whispers into elidibus's ear]
[if ahrun'ya was expecting the "deeper touch" to be anything involving his dick, it's going to come as a bit of a shock when elidibus instead pushes a hand into his chest to fondle his soul]
the jolt of surprise has him gasping, going rigid against elidibus. for a moment, his blood runs cold with the thought that perhaps this was all a ruse, all a plot elidibus has been scheming, all to have ahrun'ya vulnerable and trusting so he can hurt him in the name of duty or vengeance.
but... no. no, he can't think like that. elidibus has been sincere this whole time, he knows that. he's felt it in elidibus's smile, in the way he trembled when he was held, in his kiss.
and this... doesn't feel painful. it could, ahrun'ya realizes faintly, if elidibus wished it to. but it doesn't. it feels... far, far more intimate than ahrun'ya has ever felt before. it's electrifying, like someone is caressing every sensitive part of his body all at once. it's terrifying, like being held over the precipice of a massive cavern, waiting to fall. it makes him want to cry, and it makes him want to laugh.
(his soul, of course, is denser than most others, due to it having merged with ardbert's... but it's layered, too, with how many peoples' lives he's touched, bound up in ties of fate. there are scars, yes, but most are healed, smoothed over and faded. it is a soul built from hope, and from love.)
ahrun'ya lets out a shuddering breath against elidibus's neck, trembling all over]
[he says that, but his own breathing has picked up and his racing heartbeat is easily audible this close up. it's a lot for him as well.
even though this manner of touch is nothing new to him, touching this particular soul, even though it is incomplete, even though the memories and experiences imprinted upon it are entirely different - it's still so achingly familiar and wonderful. it's so beautiful that he wants to cry.
no, he is crying, tears of joy and grief and so many other intermingled emotions trailing down his cheeks]
[ahrun'ya clings to him, mouthing incoherently into his neck, tears of his own spilling onto elidibus's skin]
Themis... Themis, Themis...
[his breath hitches, and he can only murmur elidibus's name like a mantra. and even though he was trying to be careful earlier, his nails dig into elidibus's back as he loses himself to the feeling of his soul being touched]
It's so... so much...
[he can't bring himself to ask elidibus to stop, though--not yet]
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Because I wanted to understand you. I wanted to believe there was a way I could reach you. Even when I was so, so angry with you, even when I hated you... some part of me still wished to just talk to you. Like we were old friends, or something. I-it wasn't romantic or anything at the time, it was just... longing, I guess.
[takes a breath and lets it out]
And then I went to Elpis and I met this beautiful, handsome man who was so smart and clever and strong, and... as soon as I knew who you were, I was done for.
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[oh no he should not have asked oh no
so far he's mostly managed to keep his composure even while getting flustered, but now the facade breaks. he ducks his head, cheeks burning.]
Ridiculous.
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Like you're any better.
[turns his head and kisses the inside of elidibus's palm]
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[still looking away]
...From the very first moment since you fell on me in Elpis... at first it was just because you reminded me so much of Azem. But as we ventured into Pandaemonium together, I began to see you for your own self. I was in awe of you. Your strength, your kindness, your beauty... everything.
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maybe i can hide my whole face in his hand
no that won't work]
Saying things like that... it's like you want me to kiss you.
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[two embarrassed idiots]
...What makes you think I don't?
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No idea.
[leans in to kiss him again, smiling into it like a sap who's in love or something]
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[with an amused hum, muttering against his lips:]
Feeling impatient, are we?
[as if there isn't a ragged edge to his voice, even while speaking this quietly, betraying the very same impatience]
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I want to--see you. Were you looking at me before, when I had my shirt off...?
[his hands don't stop moving, tugging at any ilm of loose fabric]
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Of course I was looking. How could I not?
[his own hands are idly teasing at the fabric of ahrun'ya's shirt now, as if in spurred on by the memory of that earlier sight]
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You can look all you want. Do you want to take it off?
[part of him is still anxious about this whole endeavor, but it's quickly growing into excitement and anticipation]
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-Yes.
[he lets it slip embarrassingly fast, but it's the truth. he wants to see the warrior of light, wants to look at every part of his body and soul. now that this desire has reawakened, it feels as fresh as it did during those days in elpis, making him feel young and impulsive again.
so, without much hesitation, he sets to pulling the shirt off.]
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Care to tell me how I can make the same happen with you?
[he tugs at the capelet part of elidibus's robe]
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[laughs a little himself, this time making no effort to hide how he's eyeing that shirtless chest]
Hm? Ah, allow me to just...
[unlike certain people who will remain unnamed, elidibus does not bother with flashy fingersnaps for his magic. much like earlier, all it takes is a small hand movement - and the robe teleports off of him, falling into a pile on the floor nearby.]
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I knew it. I knew you'd look as beautiful as I imagined.
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with a shaky exhale, he kisses elidibus again, and follows that with a kiss to his jawline, and to his neck, mapping as much as he can with his mouth. he's careful of his sharpened canines, but not too careful, as they still scrape along elidibus's skin]
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I... would touch you more deeply. If you are willing.
[it's barely a whisper, but with ahrun'ya kissing his neck put his ears at the perfect height to hear him clearly]
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I'm willing.
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the jolt of surprise has him gasping, going rigid against elidibus. for a moment, his blood runs cold with the thought that perhaps this was all a ruse, all a plot elidibus has been scheming, all to have ahrun'ya vulnerable and trusting so he can hurt him in the name of duty or vengeance.
but... no. no, he can't think like that. elidibus has been sincere this whole time, he knows that. he's felt it in elidibus's smile, in the way he trembled when he was held, in his kiss.
and this... doesn't feel painful. it could, ahrun'ya realizes faintly, if elidibus wished it to. but it doesn't. it feels... far, far more intimate than ahrun'ya has ever felt before. it's electrifying, like someone is caressing every sensitive part of his body all at once. it's terrifying, like being held over the precipice of a massive cavern, waiting to fall. it makes him want to cry, and it makes him want to laugh.
(his soul, of course, is denser than most others, due to it having merged with ardbert's... but it's layered, too, with how many peoples' lives he's touched, bound up in ties of fate. there are scars, yes, but most are healed, smoothed over and faded. it is a soul built from hope, and from love.)
ahrun'ya lets out a shuddering breath against elidibus's neck, trembling all over]
T... themis...
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Tell me if it becomes too much.
[he says that, but his own breathing has picked up and his racing heartbeat is easily audible this close up. it's a lot for him as well.
even though this manner of touch is nothing new to him, touching this particular soul, even though it is incomplete, even though the memories and experiences imprinted upon it are entirely different - it's still so achingly familiar and wonderful. it's so beautiful that he wants to cry.
no, he is crying, tears of joy and grief and so many other intermingled emotions trailing down his cheeks]
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Themis... Themis, Themis...
[his breath hitches, and he can only murmur elidibus's name like a mantra. and even though he was trying to be careful earlier, his nails dig into elidibus's back as he loses himself to the feeling of his soul being touched]
It's so... so much...
[he can't bring himself to ask elidibus to stop, though--not yet]
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