Elidibus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rainshaveceased) wrote2022-11-15 10:55 pm
rainshaveceased) wrote2022-11-15 10:55 pm
INBOX
"You have reached the voicemail of Dignity. Please leave a message after the beep."
[after a good while,]
...If I were to be severed from Zodiark, do you think it would remove my tempering?
...If I were to be severed from Zodiark, do you think it would remove my tempering?
I am unsure. I do not see why it would, when Hades and myself remain so, however.
I would not propose something so painful.
Only something moderately painful?
Edited 2022-01-09 03:07 (UTC)
Growth can be quite uncomfortable, but is it not worthwhile?
Can it be considered growth if the goal is to recover my old memories?
Certainly. Unless you have no desire to remember?
....I see.
I have said before but I do not wish us to regress to who we once were. That would be rejecting all we have been through and become. Even should that be imperfect.
Yet I wonder if you can truly move forward without remembering.
But that is something only you can decide.
I have said before but I do not wish us to regress to who we once were. That would be rejecting all we have been through and become. Even should that be imperfect.
Yet I wonder if you can truly move forward without remembering.
But that is something only you can decide.
[closes his eyes and falls quiet for a long while again
actually he's so quiet that maybe he just fell asleep?]
actually he's so quiet that maybe he just fell asleep?]
[Well that's fine? He'll shift slightly to get more comfortable, brushing his fingertips up and down Elidibus's spine softly. If he's asleep he'll just bask in being able to hold him. Why would he interrupt?]
[muttering softly, like he really is half asleep,]
...Vergil said I used to play the piano.
...Vergil said I used to play the piano.
[He tucks his face against Elidibus's hair.]
You used to be good at many things. You had more interests than even I know of, I'm sure.
... Do you wish to play the piano?
You used to be good at many things. You had more interests than even I know of, I'm sure.
... Do you wish to play the piano?
I have been thinking about it. That maybe it would be nice if I could do something like that. But...
[shakes his head. don't make him talk about it]
[He gently tilts Elidibus's head up.]
Talk to me? If this has weighed on your mind, I would hear it
Talk to me? If this has weighed on your mind, I would hear it
Did we not already agree that I did not have to speak of my fears right now?
..... You cannot bring it up and expect me not to pry at least somewhat.
[sigh]
Fair enough, I suppose.
There is... a vast gulf, it seems to me, between who I was and what I am now. So vast that just the idea of attempting to cross it is quite terrifying.
Fair enough, I suppose.
There is... a vast gulf, it seems to me, between who I was and what I am now. So vast that just the idea of attempting to cross it is quite terrifying.
[He strokes Elidibus's cheeks with his thumbs, looking at him thoughtfully.]
It is hard to comprehend the man I once was.
And yet I can imagine that for you it is an even more daunting prospect. Which is why I do not want you to feel as if being that man is what you should be. Even to remember may be as painful and overwhelming as it might be enlightening or useful. Which is why it is your choice.
What part of it terrifies you so?
It is hard to comprehend the man I once was.
And yet I can imagine that for you it is an even more daunting prospect. Which is why I do not want you to feel as if being that man is what you should be. Even to remember may be as painful and overwhelming as it might be enlightening or useful. Which is why it is your choice.
What part of it terrifies you so?
[with a bitter breath of a laugh]
Everything?
That my memories won't be as happy as I imagine them to be. That they will be happier and I will be faced with the full weight of what I have lost. That I will find myself wanting in comparison to my past self. That I will not even be able to recognise myself in that self. That my memories will not even feel like my own.
Everything?
That my memories won't be as happy as I imagine them to be. That they will be happier and I will be faced with the full weight of what I have lost. That I will find myself wanting in comparison to my past self. That I will not even be able to recognise myself in that self. That my memories will not even feel like my own.
...Perhaps if those memories were all you had, that might overwhelm you.
[He tilts Elidibus's face up, kisses him very softly.]
I will not deny your fears. I will not claim they are unfounded, or unwarranted.
But there are new memories we intend to make, you, myself, Emet-Selch, together. Ones that will grow as we add to them day in and out. What we have been through will never be less painful, or tragic, or have changed us any less.
But what we can look forward to shall surely be more than what has passed, for we will ever nurture and grow it.
And none of us will take the blessings we fight for for granted, whether you remember everything or not.
[He tilts Elidibus's face up, kisses him very softly.]
I will not deny your fears. I will not claim they are unfounded, or unwarranted.
But there are new memories we intend to make, you, myself, Emet-Selch, together. Ones that will grow as we add to them day in and out. What we have been through will never be less painful, or tragic, or have changed us any less.
But what we can look forward to shall surely be more than what has passed, for we will ever nurture and grow it.
And none of us will take the blessings we fight for for granted, whether you remember everything or not.
I will hold you to those words.
[and he's cupping lahabrea's face with both hands to kiss him, this time harder than before]
[and he's cupping lahabrea's face with both hands to kiss him, this time harder than before]
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